Rumour Of The Day

'Soccer ace Christian Okpala, 30, beat up a team-mate for repeatedly breaking wind and has been sacked by German club Stuttgarter Kickers' - The Sun.

Quote Of The Day

"The ball-boys sat on the towels when we had a throw-in, but used them to dry the ball when Watford had one. We made a complaint to Steve Bennett at half-time. It is ridiculous - we are in the Premiership and we are talking about towels" - Neil Warnock.

An Energising Effect

'The energy generated by British soccer dynamo Wayne Rooney as he sprints around the pitch during a match is enough to boil water for 16 cups of tea, according to research published on Tuesday,' reports The Independent. 'The research is part of a programme to try to raise awareness in the face of the global warming crisis caused by burning fossil fuels.'

Alas, researchers were unable to calculate just how much energy a fuelled-up Rooney exerted in a Liverpool brothel when he reportedly did his bit for the next generation by energising a burnt-out old fossil.

Atheist Quote of the Day

I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world.

Richard Dawkins

Ask A Silly Question

Says Birmingham city chairman David Sullivan of the man once known on these pages as the Littlest Hobo:

"Changing your manager part of the way through the season is not clever. It's not guaranteed to work and who could we go and get who is better than Steve?"

The bin man?

Punditry Of The Day

"It's great for Doyle to score a debut goal. Not that it's his debut" - Richard Keys.

What The Papers Thought Of Our Heroes

'Rio Ferdinand: Quietly effective all evening, his decisiveness was best shown when he threw himself in the way of a shot by Rafael van der Vaart. Looked to energise the attack, too. 8' - The Daily Telegraph.

'Rio Ferdinand: Good defensively but his distribution was appalling to the point that it put England's back four under pressure. A very below-par performance from a player supposed to be world class. 5' - The Daily Mirror.

'Frank Lampard: Was England's most effective midfielder along with Joe Cole. The Chelsea star made several surging runs from the middle to get behind Holland's defence - which almost brought a goal. 7' - The Sun.

'Frank Lampard: Anonymous. With Carrick in more of a holding role, the emphasis on the Chelsea man was to provide more of an attacking threat, which in the main he failed to do. 5' - The Daily Express.

'Joe Cole: Very lively right from the start' - The Sun.

'Joe Cole: Anonymous until he was switched to the right' - The Daily Star.

It almost makes it worth watching the game and making up your own mind.

Almost, but not quite.

Rumour Of The Day

'Chelsea tycoon Roman Abramovich splashed out nearly £1million to book an entire health resort - to battle STRESS. The Russian billionaire spent ten days having intensive therapies at the detox clinic with THIRTY doctors and experts on hand. Abramovich, 40, jetted to Austrian clinic The Lanserhof last month. He booked the break as his marriage to wife Irina looked set to collapse' - The CAPSLOCK HAPPY Sun.

Quote Of The Day

"The food is truly catastrophic, and it rains all the time. When there's no training or match, it's a DVD under the quilt to keep warm" - In a schoolboy error, Patrice Evra makes the Manchester public aware he has a DVD player. Well, had. It'll be gone by the time he gets back from training.

Arsene Wenger's Big Vocabulary

Says Arsene Wenger in 'Wenger's View', an email to the Arsenal fans:

"Our big players were all focused. A big part of having a big season is to beat the big teams."
He speaks five languages, you know.

A Ruud Awakening

"I don't know what is wrong with England," says a confused Ruud Gullit.

"The Dutch have a system that works, whereas England don't."

It's hard to argue with Gullit, who can point to the 2006 World Cup, where England were knocked out in the quarter-finals and Holland made it all the way to the...erm...second round. Or Euro 2004, where both countries were knocked out by Portugal. Erm. Well then, how about the World Cup in 2002, when England again stumbled at the quarter-final stage and Holland...oh. Didn't qualify.

Yes, we could definitely learn something from the Dutch.

You Get What You Deserve

"It's winter now and to sing and move is good to fight against the temperature," opines Jose Mourinho, in what we can only assumed was a call for more people to watch The X Factor, or possibly a part of the government's drive to cut carbon emissions by reducing the use of central heating.

Shockingly, though, it wasn't either of those, and was instead one of Jose's trademark whines - this week directed at his own club's loyal fans.

"Why don't they sing? They're always quiet. For a team with this record at home, I think the players deserve more support," complained the Portuguese of silent Stamford Bridge.

Who would have thought that buying the league with an unlimited transfer budget, building a team of odious diving cheats and playing boring route one football wouldn't get the crowd going?

Royal Crush

Martin Jol cut a disappointed figure after our Premiership loss at Reading's Madejski Stadium on Sunday.

Everything looked to be going to plan after a promising start when Hossam Ghaly was brought down by Ibrahima Sonko and Robbie Keane slotted the penalty home for a deserved lead after 22 minutes.

But it went slowly downhill from there. Left-back Nicky Shorey levelled matters with a 25-yarder beyond Paul Robinson in the 37th minute and Steve Sidwell fired the Royals into the lead from Glen Little's corner in first half stoppage time.

We enjoyed plenty of possession at the start of the second half but it came to little in terms of chances created until the 79th minute when Aaron Lennon played in Jermain Defoe only for the substitute shot into the side-netting. Seconds later, Kevin Doyle latched onto Leroy Lita's flick, fired across Robinson and home to secure a 3-1 win for the home side.

It meant the end of our 10-match unbeaten run in all competitions and dashed hopes of jumping up to seventh in the Premiership.

Martin reflected: "We did okay for the first part of the match and did everything we had to do - attacked them in the spaces and had a couple of chances and the penalty.

"Reading are a good team, strong at home, but I feel we were the better team in the first half, you could see that. We were a bit sloppy but we had more quality, but then they scored the two goals and you can't win if you play like that.

"It is frustrating because Reading have had a bad spell, even though it was against top sides and they have a terrific home record against other teams. Not many teams have win here in the last 12 months.

"We still knew if we played how we did last week and the weeks before, we would have a chance to take the three points, we needed them.

"If we'd have won everything would have been fine - in the last eight of the Carling Cup, doing well in Europe and seventh place in the league but we threw it away. I just think we had too many players below par."

The Roed To Nowhere

A sure sign in the Newcastle Evening Chronicle that Glenn Roeder has finally lost it...

"Sibierski is a key member, if not the key member, of our squad at this moment. The people who rubbished his signing will probably feel a little bit stupid now."

Yep, that 19th place is leaving egg on a lot of faces, Glenn.

Saddam Hussein given a choice

1) Death
2) Manage Newcastle

The BBC Goes Back To Its Roots

For those fans unable to watch Southend v ManYoo either in the flesh or live on Sky Sports, the licence fee did at least provide adequate compensation in the form of a stunningly insightful account of events at Roots Hall. Take it away, chaps:

'2038: Did you know Ronaldo was named after Ronald Reagan?

2045: Sir Alex Ferguson is chewing his gum furiously.

2048: Cristiano Ronaldo is out on the right, the sort of ground Ronald Reagan liked in his political career.

2114: Tomasz Kuszczak would work wonders on a Scrabble board

2122: Sir Alex Ferguson is still chewing his gum furiously.

2144: Sir Alex Ferguson is still chewing his gum furiously.

2147: There are just five minutes of normal time left at Roots Hall. Sir Alex Ferguson is prowling the touchline, still chewing his gum furiously.'

Setting The Bar Low

From the BBC's 'Quotes of the Week' page:

"We aspire to be where Liverpool are now" - Martin O'Neill.

How refreshing to discover a manager who isn't setting his side unrealistic targets - Villa are currently a heady sixth in the Premiership table with Liverpool two places further behind in eighth.

Losing Gracefully

Once again, Chelski are emerging as the vanguard in the crusade of losing with class, dignity and good grace. For example, writes columnist Giles Smith on the official Chelski website:

'The sad thing is going to be saying goodbye to Tottenham. Because ultimately that's what this all means.

'The unbeaten record has given meetings with Spurs a meaning during a period when the idea of a 'rivalry' between our two clubs needed all the help it could get, because Tottenham were lagging too far behind us for proper rivalry to make any real sense.'

JOL RELIEF AFTER CARLING COMEBACK

Tottenham boss Martin Jol feared becoming the latest giantkilling victim in the Carling Cup before his side came from a goal behind to defeat Port Vale in extra time.

Spurs reached the quarter-finals of the competition after their 3-1 victory at White Hart Lane - but their League One opponents were within sight of an upset.

Following Southend's unlikely win over Manchester United on Tuesday, Vale took the lead after 63 minutes when Leon Constantine fired through Radek Cerny's legs.

Spurs had been knocked out by Grimsby last season and another embarrassing defeat loomed until Tom Huddlestone's free-kick was deflected in by Constantine to send the match into extra time.

"When you see Manchester United going out, last season we went out to Grimsby and that was a nightmare," Jol said.

"We knew we had to take the initiative but it was of those nights when the ball wouldn't go in, the keeper was outstanding - those were the ingredients for an upset. We had to grind out a result."

Huddlestone established a lead in the first half of extra time, his drilled effort getting deflected in off Danny Sonner and past Mark Goodlad, who had pulled off a host of impressive saves.

"Tom was outstanding from the first to the 120th minute," Jol said. "He was always taking the initiative, pulling the strings and getting the ball.

"Every build-up was starting with him, and that is what I want. I was very happy I played him."

Huddlestone was one of the 10 players brought into the starting line-up as Jol utilised his squad following victory over Premiership champions Chelsea on Sunday.

"We've got a very big squad so you have to trust your players," Jol said.

The Dutchman, however, had to bring on Dimitar Berbatov, Aaron Lennon and Hossam Ghaly off the bench as the hosts chased the game, and he felt their quality made a difference.

"I was concerned, I thought if we don't do this we might go out of the cup," Jol said. "Lennon showed a good mentality and Berbatov knew what it was all about."

Jermain Defoe sealed the victory in the second half of extra time when he slid in to finish Phil Ifil's cross from the right, sending Spurs into the last eight of the competition they won in 1999.

Constantine and Goodlad were the pick of the Vale players, and the striker hopes the performance can help their league form.

"They were a quality side and I thought I did all right," he said. "From my point of view it's very positive. We may have lost but everyone involved can be positive about it.

"They've shown us how to keep the ball and I think it can help our league form."

Atheist Newsgroup Post of the Day

"Back in the mid-1980s, a man promised God he would give 25 cents for every extra shave he got from his Bic disposable. To his amazement, he began getting 80 and 90 shaves instead of his usual four or five. Other men from his church joined in, with similar results.

At the time, I was an editor for a denominational magazine. We thought the story inspiring and published it. On the cover we featured the participants -- all lathered up and holding aloft their razors. What a miracle.

But the readers didn't all share our enthusiasm. One poignant letter went something like: Yesterday a young mother of three learned she had terminal cancer. Yesterday a little boy chased a ball into the street and was killed. Yesterday millions went to bed hungry. And where was God during all this? He was busy sharpening Bic razors."

Just when you thought the week couldn't get any better…

FERGIE WON'T PANIC AFTER CUP SHOCK

Sir Alex Ferguson has pledged Manchester United's stunning Carling Cup exit at Southend will not trigger any knee-jerk reaction from inside the Red Devils camp.

Just 24 hours after he celebrated 20 years as United manager, Ferguson suffered one of the most embarrassing defeats of his entire time at the club.

The competition holders and Premiership leaders were unable to find any way back once lifelong Red Devils fan Freddy Eastwood had put the Championship basement boys in front with a magnificent first-half free-kick.

Shrimpers keeper Darryl Flahavan kept Southend's noses in front with a string of fine saves, including a hat-trick of stops to deny Cristiano Ronaldo, ensuring the Roots Hall faithful were able to celebrate a famous win.

"We need to look forward, not back," said Ferguson.

"It was a disappointing night but there is no need for a knee-jerk reaction, no mass sackings and no suicides.

"Maybe there will be a little bit of recrimination and maybe a few of my players will be embarrassed by the result but they have to pick themselves up, that is the name of the game at this football club."

"We've lost three matches all season and all by 1-0. Cup football can smack you in the face and I'm not impervious to that. We started off slack, which can sometimes happen in a cup tie. But Southend were fantastic and their goalkeeper was magnificent. At the end they closed it down and made it difficult for us.

"In a way, it is great for me because I know tomorrow we can pull our togs on and start working again. There is no harm in defeat providing it improves you and you can learn from it. I am sure we will get slaughtered for this defeat but there is no need for any knee-jerk reaction. Maybe a few of my players will be a little bit embarrassed because it is a disappointing result."

The final word on Spurs vs Chelsea (promise)

The Turning Point

I doubt there’s a Spurs fan out there today who hasn’t got an extra spring in their step, an excessively wide grin on their face or a cockerel on their shoulder whistling something about a zip-a-dee-doo-dah day.

It was like the perfect meal at a swanky restaurant. Yes to start, I’ll have the Gutted Goons with a side order of Wenger losing it, please. For the main course, I’d like a sumptuous Spurs beating the league champions. Wine? Yes, I’ll have the Lane 1990 vintage please. For desert, the turning point please.

Almost two years to the day since Martin Jol took on the Tottenham hotseat, he has finally broken the ‘big four’s’ stranglehold over his time at White Hart Lane. After the night when Pedro did what Pele couldn’t, Henry and Pires’ late equalisers and numerous missed chances, the Jolly Oranje Giant has proved that on their day Spurs can beat anyone.

Whether Jose Mourinho was being congratulatory or patronising, he was right when he said: “I can say to Tottenham people to carry on their celebrations because this is a big moment for them.” The weight of not being able to compete with the top four has been lifted and “here we go again” can’t apply anymore.

The Special One also said his side dominated large spells of the game. I’d say they dominated the first and last 20 minutes. Had it not been for some wasteful passing by the otherwise excellent Ghaly in a number of three-on-two situations in the second half, the game could have been placed beyond doubt by the time Robben had heart-stoppingly hit the post.

There was controversy aplenty. Terry was aching for collecting a pair of yellow cards all game with his constant moaning and haranguing of Graham Poll. He was warned earlier about clinging onto a defender’s shirt for the disallowed Drogba header. He might have got away with only a foul for the telling one against Ledley King had he not shoulder barged Assou-Ekotto in full view of Poll. That was the last straw and there were no complaints from Terry as he knowingly trudged off to sit quietly and illegally on the Chelsea bench.

As Jose also said, Ghaly could have been sent off for an elbow on Essien. That’s true, but the Portugeezer failed to mention that Frank Lampard could have also been dismissed for his scissors tackle from behind on Pascal Chimbonda, which it later turned out had damaged medial ligaments in the Frenchman’s knee. Anyone who doubted the former Wigan rebel’s devotion to the Spurs cause need only watch his performance from then on. With nobody on the bench to replace him, he completed the 90 minutes and pushed a couple of others for man of the match.

There were footballing heroes all over the place. Dawson finally got his goal at the 80th attempt and was a rock at the back, tackling the in-form, man-mountain Drogba. King led by example and pulled off yet another of his growing collection of lung-busting last minute tackles against the dithering Robben. Ekotto proved he can compete with the best wingers around, often marshalling Robben and Wright-Phillips expertly, forcing them inside.

The energetic Jenas and Zokora complimented each other's games, with the latter dominating a lot of the midfield play. Ghaly proved his versatility again, while Lennon provided us with a picture perfect moment of Ashley Cole and John Terry sliding into each other as he lifted the ball past Hilario into the net.

The switching of Lennon to the left flank has provided one benefit even if it doesn’t quite click on the pitch. While he becomes predictable on the left and barely beats his man on the outside, he does seem to have been working on his weaker foot. Both his goal and a sublime cross to Robbie Keane in the first half came from the aforementioned subtle yellow boot.

Berbatov was less effective than he was against Brugge but his hold-up play was as good as ever and he was often playing as the lone striker which must have been knackering after his mid-week exertions.

For the first time this season, the last word on the players must go to Robbie Keane. While his recent performances have been a pale shadow of his displays last year, there’s no doubting that especially in the second half yesterday, he was absolutely superb. Playing in an unfamiliar left side midfield role for most of the game, one minute he was tackling back in his own area, the next he was making Boulahrouz look a complete mug with the old “look at my legs, not around my legs, look at my legs” routine.

The players had their say in the game’s fortunes, but the giant with the toothy grin shaped their destiny. Changing the formation from 4-4-2 to a 4-3-3/4-5-1 completely changed the game. Lampard, Ballack and Makelele were overrun for long periods and couldn’t retain possession. Ghaly became more influential and Lennon had more space to roam behind Berbatov and down the right. For his goal, Cole was a million miles away. Jol took on a tactician and beat him at his own game - the perfect rebuke for those who label him merely a motivator.

It’s a new day with a new dawn today. The stuttering start has gone and the side is beginning to look like the tough, solid unit that was so unbreakable last term. The form guide says it all with nine games, seven wins and two draws. With such an important win under their belt and the experience that comes with it, the young side now know that whoever they come up against in the Premiership or Europe, they’re capable of turning them over, however many Russian billions they have in the bank.

Hopefully Chimbonda isn’t out for too long and with the news today that Steed Malbranque is likely to make his debut against Port Vale, Spurs are starting to resemble a talent-stockpiled force again. We’re only four points off that fourth place which once had our name on it and with a strong squad, momentum behind us and a distinct lack of lasagne, who’s to say that the age of Jol hasn’t just clicked into the next gear?

Lookalike of the Day

Wayne's World

According to the BBC:

'Manchester United striker Wayne Rooney believes that he would have been a builder on the dole if it had not been for football.'

A builder on the dole? It wouldn't be the first time that the gravitally-challenged Boy Wonder had cheated the system...

A One-Man Poll

While Graham Poll is the new number public enemy at number one at Chelski, one institution is willing to speak up on his behalf, claiming:

'Yet most of the refereeing fraternity will applaud Poll for standing up to Chelsea's tricks, particularly the lecturing of officials (Michael Ballack) and not retreating 10 yards at free kicks (Makelele and Ashley Cole). Poll deserves praise for stamping down on cynicism and allowing the game to flow. And flow it did...'

But could The Daily Telegraph's unique praise for Graham Poll could in any way be related to Graham Poll's status as a columnist for...The Daily Telegraph?

Listen To The Difference

'The first couple of minutes was more about the exercising of vocal chords in the stands rather than what was happening on the pitch, as the atmosphere became more and more highly charged' - From the match report of Spurs v Chelski on the official Tottenham website.

'The game kicked off in the traditional limp White Hart Lane atmosphere' - From the match report of Spurs v Chelski on the official Chelski website.

Ten Things You Shouldn't Do Against Arsenal...

1) Score.
2) Celebrate.
3) Defend.
4) Tackle.
5) Ask a random member of the Gunners' first-team squad whether they prefer the new red British passport to the Old Blue.
6) Stand near Jens Lehmann.
7) Order pizza.
8) Worry about them scoring from a corner.
9) Err...
10) That's it.

The Weekend's Winners and Losers

Fergie's ManYoo were the big winners this weekend and Arsenal the main losers on what was a bad weekend overall for away teams, officialdom and managers in general...

Winners

ManYoo
The Big Four are so dominant, and the rest of the Premiership so ordinary in comparison, that when a member of the former hosts the latter then it is right to regard home victories are formalities. So it was on Saturday when the gulf in class at Old Trafford was frightening. There are occasional slips, generally as a consequence of Arsenal's profligacy, but once Wayne Rooney had successfully convinced referee Mike Dean that he was felled the outcome in Manchester was just a question of arithmetic.

Defeats for Chelski and Arsenal on Sunday completed a perfect twentieth anniversary for Sir Alex. Roll on November 26 - and Chelski's trip to Old Trafford.



Tottenham Hotspur
With a little luck, a little help from Graham Poll, and a subtle change of formation by Martin Jol after Claude Makelele's opener, Spurs ended their Chelski hoodoo and defeated their west London rivals for the first time since 1990. The victory also marked Spurs' first success over either Chelski, ManYoo, Liverpool or Arsenal since Jol's appointment two years ago.


West Ham
Having sought a 0-0 stalemate against wasteful opposition flagging because of midweek exertions in Europe, the Hammers then grabbed victory in the 88th minute. Not, of course, that the football provided the principal interest.


Liverpool
As expected, Liverpool have enjoyed their home comforts this week. Three successive wins have seen Pool qualify for the next round of the Champions League and leap up to seventh in the Premiership table. It has also seen Dirk Kuyt continue his emergence as a player of note and a reasonable impersonator of a 1990s Mark Hughes. Although it is doubtful whether Sparky, hardly a prolific striker, ever enjoyed a run of form that brought five goals in seven Premiership starts.

Yet the past seven days have proved nothing. In fact, they have only put Pool's travel sickness in the starkest possible contrast: Following the win over Reading, Pool lead the 'Home Form' league table; if they lose at the Emirates next weekend by three goals they will be bottom of the 'Away Form' league.


Charlton Athletic
But Charlton's win over Citeh was so illusory and so undeserved that, even after the addition of three points, the odds on the Addicks being relegated should not be altered. Iain Dowie's side remain bottom of the table and deserve to be so.


Losers

Arsene Wenger
According to Alan Pardew, the extent of his crime was "celebrating our goal, nothing more". The likelihood of Pardew being a reliable witness to events must be doubtful given his description of the previous mundane 88 minutes as "pulsating" and the hopelessly exuberant observation that the Hammers "thoroughly deserved victory".

At least two of his fist-pumps could be perceived as being directed at the Arsenal bench before he approached Wenger, laid hands on the Frenchman and supplied some unwanted observations. To Wenger's subsequent reply the West Ham boss then, if my amateur lip-reading skills are any guide, invited his Arsenal counterpart to "fu*k off". Cue the confrontation.

Whatever the provocation, Wenger erred by refusing to shake Pardew's hand at the final whistle. Even if he had good reason not to - and Wenger's refusal to speak to the press before leaving Upton Park was equally foolish - he was already particularly vulnerable to the charge of being a bad loser. He will never lose the tag now.


Away Teams
The line between winning and losing is a fine one and rarely level.

The common denominator at Craven Cottage, Old Trafford, Upton Park, Villa Park and White Hart Lane this weekend was that the match-tilting decisions of officialdom, all of which were, to varying degrees, wrong, penalised the visitors. It is probably not a coincidence that the only away side to uniquely benefit from errant decision-making, Wigan, were playing at the ground with the small attendance.

That referees and linesman are swayed and cowed by the partisan judgement of the home support is explicable but far from acceptable. For Blackburn to have lost at Villa due to such a soft penalty award is an outrage. Nor was Jose Mourinho alone in failing to understand why John Terry was dismissed when his only offence appeared to be brushing arms with a Spurs defender. I'd discover an ounce of respect for serial Big Match Wrecker Graham Poll if he admitted in his match report that Terry was sent off 'because I wanted to hear myself cheered.'

Until football arms itself with officials of strength and introduces video technology, it will remain the most injust sport on the planet with the balance of fairness stacked overwhelming towards the hosts.


Newcastle United
Newcastle were so poor on Saturday that it would have been understandable if the small band of Sheffield United fans participated in the post-match protest against Freddie Shepherd outside St James'.

While the notion that Toon boast the most loyal fans in the country is overplayed - barely fifteen years have passed since St James was regularly half-full - they deserve sympathy. Has ever any other club on the shores been so systemically mismanaged, at every level, as Newcastle United?

According to at least one Sunday broadsheet, it was the Toon chairman himself who ruled that an extra £250,000 from Sky to cover Saturday's night shambles was of greater import than an extra days' rest for the first-team squad after Thursday's UEFA Cup tie in Italy.

"All over the pitch we were a yard or two slower," commented Glenn Roeder. "You have to look for reasons when the performance is as poor as that, and less than 49 hours ago we were playing in Italy. I'm not saying that is the reason, but it certainly hasn't helped."

The priorities motivating Shepherd's decision to accept Sky's cash are as questionable as the business transaction in 1998 which saw Shepherd Offshore plc sell a warehouse to Freddie's brother, Bruce, for £175,000. Newcastle United plc then completed a 17-year deal with Bruce Shepherd for the warehouse to store the club's merchandise at a cost of £2.5m.

How Toon could do with that sum now. For one thing, Shepherd has believed to have a clause in his contract stipulating that he will receive two years' pay if dismissed. Or, in other words, around £2m. And as Shepherd implicitly confirmed last month when he revealed that the club had recorded pre-tax losses of £12m, that's money Newcastle simply don't possess.

Joseph Heller must have been a Toon supporter.


Glenn Roeder
When does a beleaguered manager lose deserved praise for facing up to the press? From this seat, when the beleaguered manager makes a point of opining that he deserves praise for appearing in front of the cameras when he faces up to the press.


Chelski
Whereas Charlton were losers despite winning, Chelski were winners in losing. Having spent the season playing poorly and losing, the champions performed splendidly at White Hart Lane and deserved at least a point.

There's no doubt that they would have departed with all three had the self-serving Graham Poll not mysteriously ruled out Didier Drogba's goal. There's scarcely less doubt that the 'goal' would have been awarded if the match was played at Stamford Bridge.


Bolton
The frequent refusal of linesman to reward attacking play is a personal pet hate. Bolton would surely have beaten Wigan if the linesman had observed the state of play and the laws correctly. A minute before West Ham's equaliser, Emmanuel Adebayor was ruled offside when replays were inconclusive.

It is a despicable aspect of football that attacking football is so rarely given the benefit of the doubt. Yet it isn't only linesman who apparently regard good goals being disallowed as the lesser of two evils compared to the prospect of offside goals being awarded. The Sunday Times failed to mention even once in their match report of Bolton-Wigan that the home side had a perfectly valid goal ruled out. Never mind, it was only the pivotal moment in the match.


Claude Makelele
The Frenchman was at 50/1 to score the opening goal at White Hart Lane - odds that were rather stingy considering that in his previous 98 Chelski matches he had only scored once and failed to score at all during his 125 matches for Real Madrid.


David Moyes
A career in politics surely beckons. Asked to comment on the coin-throwing incident that saw Fulham's Claus Jensen struck by a coin as he prepared to take a corner in front of a stand populated mostly by Everton supporters, Moyes delivered some of the most remarkable quotes of this nascent season.

"Behind that goal today were mixed supporters of both Everton and Fulham, which was great to see. It's unsavoury when that happens but it was a mixed end wasn't it?" he countered. "If someone did that then I agree they should be banned but you have got to accept there is as much chance of it being a Fulham supporter."

Stand up and wave if you believe that there is as 'much chance' of a Fulham fan throwing a coin at a Fulham player who had just scored a match-winning goal as there is of an Everton supporter being the culprit.

Hang on. There's more.

"He could have been aiming somewhere else," continued Moyes. "It could have been another player he was trying to hit."

Err, David, Jensen was preparing to take a corner when he was struck. There wasn't another player within a vicinity of twenty yards.

According to reports of the post-match press conference, Moyes looked momentarily perturbed when this was pointed out. Yet the Scot wasn't to be defeated:

"Have you ever tried to throw a coin accurately?"

Even the gentlemen of the press couldn't provide a satisfactory answer to that one.

Christmas and birthday all at once...

Harewood!

More pics from Sunday's game

What a win!

Michael Dawson and and Aaron Lennon scored the goals that resulted in a first ever Premiership win over Chelsea at the Lane on Sunday.

There could have been no more fitting way to mark Martin Jol's completion of two years in charge and an unwanted record that stretched back to 1990 has now been consigned to the history books.

It looked for a little while as if it might be the same old story when Chelsea took the lead. A response was called for and we got one with interest!

The first couple of minutes was more about the exercising of vocal chords in the stands rather than what was happening on the pitch, as the atmosphere became more and more highly charged. On the pitch the tackles and blocks were snapping in as both teams went about their business with a real purpose - a Hossam Ghaly sortie forward worked a goalkeeper for the first time, with Henrique Hilario being drawn into a pretty routine save.

Pascal Chimbonda was victim of an awful challenge by Frank Lampard just before the ten minute mark and it took some lengthy treatment before the full-back was able to continue.

Ledley King prevented an opener with a superb late interception after Arjen Robben was clean through on goal, but the pain relief was short-lived. The resulting corner was headed out to the edge of the area and bounced towards the feet of Claude Makelele, who curled drive through a crowd of players and past the despairing reach of Paul Robinson down to his right post.

Robbo was then forced into two superb stops in quick succession, from a Michael Ballack free-kick and a point-blank hit from Lampard.

Chelsea had assumed authority in the game and it needed redressing.

It was to an eruption of joy on 24 minutes! A Jermaine Jenas free-kick was zipped into the area and it was certainly a popular head that gave the ball a nudge to divert it past Hilario - that of Dawson and his first competitive goal for the club. It was actually our first success from a set piece this season and it wasn't a bad time to start making the most of them.

The assurance of play was now with the team in white shirts and Chelsea were rattled, not looking quite so sure of themselves defensively and Dimitar Berbatov looked in the mood to increase the uncertainty.

However the next scare was at the end guarded by Robinson and the almost constant threat that was Didier Drogba attempted a scissors kick out of nothing and can only have been a matter of inches away from restoring his side's lead.

Some Lennon magic should have led to the advantage being seized, with the little winger leaving Ashley Cole giddy down the right before flighting over a cross in the direction of Keane. The striker stole in front of his marker and looked set to nod home, but his effort floated agonisingly a little bit too high and landed on top of the net.

A few half-chances followed to crank up the noise levels even further as we drew towards the break after a completely absorbing half of Premiership football.
Chelsea made a change at the interval with Paulo Ferreira - teetering on a yellow card for most of the first half - replaced by one of Martin's former charges, Khalid Boulahrouz.

Darkness by this point had well and truly fallen, but not on the performance-level of the boys. Keane's determination down the left paid off when his cross clipped the head of a Chelsea defender and landed invitingly for Lennon.

There were 52 minutes on the clock and Lennon took the ball under control in a flash, worked himself an extra fraction of space and fired the ball past a helpless Hilario to the backdrop north-headed arms and an of an explosion of sound at the Lane.

Keane and Berbatov combined and almost managed to extend the advantage, but the Bulgarian mis-timed and stepped on the ball in front of goal. Chelsea were making changes and even subbed the sub - Boulahrouz - to bring on an extra attacker in the shape of Salomon Kalou.

There was more drama to follow, John Terry having a red card flashed in his face - a second booking - after a clash with King. It was high-octane stuff as the boys pushed for a third while trying to keep the gate firmly locked at the other end.

The numbers imbalance was never likely to make a big difference in the closing stages with the ball being pumped long by the team in blue. Ghaly nearly paid the price for trying to play his way out from the back when he was dispossessed by Kalou and Robinson was given a hand warming with ten minutes left to play.

It became difficult watching, especially when Lampard worked himself a clearing in front of goal - the 11 were sitting back against the 10 and Martin responded by bringing on Jermain Defoe in place of Keane, who was very much operating from the left.

Robben couldn't believe it when his curler struck an upright with four minutes remaining and the momentum was with the visitors, but not the lead. This was protected and there will be no further entries in one particular record book.

How Politically Radical Are You?

You Are 48% Politically Radical

You've got some radical viewpoints, but you aren't completely nuts. You're more of a visionary than a radical.

Are You a Political Radical?

Some great David Pleat quotes

"A game is not won until it is lost"

"Winning isn't the end of the world"

"This is a real cat and carrot situation"

"I've seen some players with very big feet, and some with very small feet"

"And the steam has gone completely out of the Spanish sails"

"He's got a brain under his hair"

"Pires has got something about him, he can go both ways depending on who's facing him"

"That would have put the icing on his start"

Lookalike of the Day

Notoriety Spreads

Sir Tim Berners-Lee, The British developer of the world wide web says he is worried about the way it could be used to spread misinformation and "undemocratic forces"', reports the BBC.

Sir Tim has evidently stumbled across the official Chelsea website then.

Insensitive Moments On Radio No.253

What not to say to a caller with prostate cancer, who has been told that he will likely die any day now, as demonstrated so well on Radio 5 Live Breakfast by Nicky Campbell:

"Hello, caller, are you still with us?"

Nothing To Do With Football But

From Sporting Life's greyhound section:

'Former prolific open race winner Star of Dromin has whelped a litter of seven pups to Australian star Brett Lee.'

Unfortunately a hasty google reveals it's another greyhound.

Double Bubble, Or How To Fill Column Inches

From The Sun, November 2:

'Hargo Can Go If Emre Comes In'

'Owen Hargreaves will get his dream move to Manchester United in January - if Bayern Munich land Newcastle midfielder Emre'.

From The Sun, November 3:

'We'll Snub Emre Bid'

'Newcastle are desperate to resist any bid by Bayern Munich to prise Turkish midfielder Emre away'.

Non-Football Quote Of The Day

"Like Caesar's wife, the judging of Miss Great Britain must be above suspicion. Danielle has always told us that she met Teddy at the party after she was crowned. Now she is quoted in a mass circulation magazine that the two of them spent the previous Christmas in bed together" - Miss Great Britain chairman Robert de Keyser, as Danielle Lloyd is fired from the position after revealing she was dating judge Teddy Sheringham at the time of the competition. Which begs the question: how did Teddy Sheringham get on the judging committee for Miss Great Britain?

Atheist Quote of the Day

"In childhood our credulity serves us well. It helps us to pack, with extraordinary rapidity, our skulls full of the wisdom of our parents and our ancestors. But if we don't grow out of it in the fullness of time, our ... nature makes us a sitting target for astrologers, mediums, gurus, evangelists, and quacks. We need to replace the automatic credulity of childhood with the constructive skepticism of adult science."
[Richard Dawkins]